so…here we are. ready for chapter 3. i began this blogging thing with my first music blog, nostalgic wax, and then moved into yoga territory with opening visuddha. The idea to start this was purely in the interest in confronting a fear of mine, which is writing and people actually reading it. and you would think, since this is my third try, i would have already conquered this, but no…not really. not at all. just journal entries for me.
here's the secret; i just really love doing this. I have been going through an interesting death of sorts in terms of identity since i became a mother, and the only reason i am still fretting about it is because i let myself fret about it (it occurred to me recently that i need to self sabotage; it's the only way i can deal with the craziness of life, and i figure i can control how much to get my hopes up) i need to give back as much as possible in the world, and i figure this, if any, is a fine way to do it.
well, it doesn't work that way. you have to make the decision to walk the talk when things get different and difficult. this is precisely a testament to that. I needed to come clean, and to do it as honestly as i can, and to make it available to others (if they can deal with the occasional self righteousness…but you are reading a blog, so i am sure you are familiar with the territory).
I miss writing. It was something I did when I worked in an office in order to pass the time; just massive journal entries. I still save emails to myself, occasionally. but then iPhones came out and the rest is history...we are the purveyor of the photo these days. which is awesome and all, but i like it old school.
I don't, however, claim to be awesome at this. i am not a master in which you should follow. i know plenty of dynamite writers who you really should be reading. But if this gets no viewers whatsoever, I will have been pleased that I did this. So there. Don't need you all anyways. But, i do, have to try. :)
Anyways. so this self sabotage has gotten me nowhere with a completely false sense of security. while it may have saved my ass previously, i highly doubt it as of late. I am really having a hard time with the circumstances i have been given, so i am working to make this change of life of mine a more secure one.
So, the evening papers? This is it. My kid is down for the night and i have managed to get a shower and some exercise in during the today (self care is remarkably hard with a baby); this is how i give to the world. my mode of creating identity. i think this will be marvelous, or, at least an experiment in how long i can stick to something. i am sure to learn something.
so…enjoy!
